making decisions

when you make a decision you have to stick to it. but sometimes you get that inkling inside you that tells you not to go for it.
i had to make a decision yesterday and i decided to just stay quiet. in the end it is for the best. it was a decision between two and it was a backup plan. don't worry the first plan will not back out.
i was left with something inside that i cannot describe. it's like an anxiety that stayed with me. 
why has this had so much effect on me? i don't understand it. 
in the end we have to agree to disagree. i know it affects the lives of others but it will also affect my life.
right now my immediate state and happiness is what is important because if im not then it could be disastrous!!

family

family is the support group we have to help us through thick and thin.  am I being selfish when I think about being selective with my family?
a long lost family member made an appearance in my family not too long ago. I use to love this family member I even felt bad for them a long time ago. now I see them and what they really have become of themselves, mostly bad, and i don't feel bad anymore.
everybody had different circumstances in which they were brought up. some bad some good. in the end everyone has a choice: to either follow in the bad footsteps or step out of that make something of yourself.
so i pray and i'll ask everyone else to pray also that my family member finally grow up and move past this stage in life or to please move as far away as possibe and leave us alone.
i have been recreating over and over our interactions for a couple of days now and each time it seems like it was a nightmare. yes it was that bad.

love

what is love? to me its finding out my brother loves me. he talks good things about me. you see my brother and i don't have much interaction with each other even though we live in the same house. we hardly have serious in dept conversations or even silly conversations about nothing. 
well i was told that he does love and alot. 
i felt awesome! 
not that i even sat down and thought about weather he did love me or not. i just went about my life thinking that he at least didn't hate me.  he tolerated me.
but hearing that made my day. i cried. i had too. it was too many emotions at once.  i felt proud of him that he thought that way about me and that "Russel the Muscle" does have a heart!!
i love my baby brother too!! 

obsession

i have an obsession for doing things a certain way. can you blame me? i think that doing things should be done a certain way to minimalize wasting time. i try to be efficient. sometimes i have to stop and think that as long as things are done, it doesn 't matter how they get done. just they are done in the same amount of time as i do them and of course done right.  
i have an obsession for food.  i love food. food make me happy.  sometimes if i know im going to have a stressful day i like to start it off with a maple donut. i does help. don't laugh at me.  at the end of the day after a stressful day i like to have an apple pie. food just makes me happy.  i need not to rely on food. it just make me wider and then im mad at myself.
ahhh food... ha ha

talk is cheap

today i learned that talk is cheap. i talk alot. so does that make me cheap. certainly not. it just means that i need to stop talking so much and think about it.
i have always said i hate writing. i don't do it well. so seth said to write everyday. even though im not good at it eventually i'll get better. so lets see how long i can do this.
i didn't like it on facebook because nobody really reads it. it's all about themselves not about others. well that's my point of view.
my dream and it's a little one is well i have two: to be either a food critic or a movie critic. two of the most favorite things i love. 
if i don't write then i'll never get better. so here i am readers!