Loving more

In relationships (in my opinion) there is someone who loves more,  gives in more,  forgives more,  and cares more.  Sometimes that's a good thing. .. someone's is a bad thing especially since they start to feel unappreciated.  It wears down on self esteem. 
The dr told me that it was common to see depression after the 6 weeks.  I thought it wasn't my case but last night I actually thought about slitting my wrists. 
I said something and it was taken out of proportion.  All I was asking was some reaffirming of love or some humor.  I was having such a good time.  I was in love.  But I got the opposite.  I got hatred, disgust and rejection.  I feel ashamed to be me.  I feel that I'm failing to a person,  mother and wife. 
I tried to mend things to no avail.  I felt that I seemed to make things worse.  I want to run away.  It hurts so much. 

When is it too late

When you get somewhere late....
When something expires....
When you finally see what is in front of you....
When you realize it wasn't real....
All my life I wanted the fairytale. Love,  kids and the white picket fence. 
It has been far from that. 
There is a force that is beyond us all.  A greater that has everything calculated and planned for us.  To what end?  I hope if is for our good.  The things that happen teach us lessons and if we don't learn them we are destined to relearn.
What is my lesson?
To Love And not be loved?
What have I yet to learn?

Helping oneself

How can I help someone if I can't help myself?
I have problems situations in which I cannot control....I have to choose to go through with them or leave them. 
When I go through with them I choose and I have to stand by my decision.  I have to be strong.  I cannot let myself fall because the only one that can help me is myself. 
I have to have hope inspiration positive attitude.  I am in charge of my own feelings and I shouldn't let anyone else choose my feelings for me. 

Love song

I am in love.  At least I think so with a man. I am certainly in love with my two daughters.  That is without a doubt. 

I'd like to think that a certain song was written about my new love and myself. .. but lately no love song fits us anymore. 

Could it be that I wasn't really in love?
Could it be that I'm not in love anymore?

What happened that I feel this way?
I hope that I don't fall into depression.  I would hate to be that person again. 

So what love song is about us?  I don't know.  I hope that I find that special song.  I need that song. 

But 2 is greater than 1

Everyone always wants to be #1. The first to finish a race. First to be better at someone.
I want to be first in someone's heart. Is that selfish of me? If that's what I do for you, then that's what I expect in return. Well at least im my world that's how it works.
Being number 2 sucks. Nobody likes to come in second especially in one's life.  I've have come in second and its time for me to be number one. 
I love being number one.
I will be number one!!
I am number one!!

To be friend or not to be friend

Sometimes you are blinded because you are into him. Its the beginning of the relationship and that is when it is the most beautiful. All is so perfect and nothing could go wrong.
I accepted that we could be friends until he made the fatal mistake of kissing me. Little did I know that, that would be the first and last time he would kiss me like that. I do not regret it. I am hurt by it though. I led my heart to believe that it was different this time. I feel so stupid!!
I had one goal in mind and I should have stuck to it. Ughhhhh! I vow not to let it happen again.
I feel sorry for the next guy who crosses my path. Its not his fault but if he really wants what I want then its not going to matter.
So now I am faced with the question...do I continue this friendship or do I take back my promise and tell him to f off?

Beginning of a broken heart

I feel like my heart hurts. My breathing is shallow and my eyes are swollen from crying. Its my own fault. I was told from the beginning. Why do I let my heart guide me? Why do I continue this pattern of behavior? What can I do to stop this insanity? I feel that this time this time this time is different. Its finally here. Love has found me and finally I'm going to have my fairytale. Why does it always end the same? My heart getting hurt! Somehow I don't learn. This time I hurt myself. I knew what I was getting into. I knew from the start. Nobody lied to me but myself. I have to be stubborn.